As we like to say at livingselfcare.com, “Self-Care is like chocolate. You can never have enough.” During this week’s self-care challenge we’ll bring you daily tips and inspiration with a chance to win prizes that pamper. Click here to learn more.
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Just like we wear many “hats,” we maintain many different types of relationships: kids, parents, siblings, in-laws, friends. Sometimes it’s easy to avoid or ignore a relationship and let it die. At times, it’s essential to cut ties with people who are unhealthy for you. But what about the people we love, but won’t interact with?
Relationships die for many reasons. Conflict is a big factor in this. I have a friend who moved several years ago. She go that far; her home is just a few hours away (can you tell I live in Texas yet?). But I don’t know what’s going on in her life anymore and she doesn’t know about mine.
This is a woman I’ve known for 15 years. We used to talk about everything and help each other out whenever needed. What happened to us? We had a big argument right after she moved. Neither one of us would budge. Now I feel sad every time I think of her.
I’m afraid to call her. “What if she hates me?” I always think. Most likely this is a distorted thought. I know that if she called me, I would be glad to hear from her. So, I am going to make that call today.
I urge you to reconnect with anyone that is special to you who you have avoided due to conflict. It can be scary to face but most of the time, anger dissolves into relief once you take the steps to reach out.
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For more tips on how to preserve relationship health, check out our friend Mollee Bauer. Mollee is founder of pregnancy.org, a site which offers great advice on pre-conception, pregnancy and post-birth mind-body health. She’s also one of our Challenge Champions!
Living Self-Care 
This is a great article…my Dad and I did not speak for a year and in that year so many things happened and so much changed. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I picked up the phone and called my Daddy, from that day forward we never wasted any time not speaking or being angry. He is gone now and I would give anything to have that lost year back. None the less we had many years of happiness together after the fight but never forgot the lessons learned.
Wow, Angie – thanks for sharing that! In the last few years I have finally made peace with both of my parents (or should I say my inner child has made peace…). So I feel like I have lost some years as well. I am just so glad you and your dad came back together before you couldn’t. (hugs)
My close friend and I grew apart after she had TBI from a car accident. I could not get together as often, since going to her house was difficult with me with severe cat allergies and she was not driving for quite sometime. Long story short, my best reaching out to her was on my cell phone driving home from work. Several times during the week, I would check in with her, and try to be a positive light, while listening to her, someone whose personality had changed due to the injuries she sustained.
One day calling her, she just started yelling at me, I was not a good friend, that calling her was an after thought, on and on. She told me that we were no longer friends after 25 years. “She” wasn’t the same person.
I grieved for my friend and for our friendship. It left a huge hole in my heart, we had shared a lifetime of life events. Gone. I read up on TBI, on family and friends affected with a loved one who has it.
After 3 years of grieving, I found the courage to let her go. I wrote her a long letter apologizing that she was no longer able to remember the good and not so good things we had shared, but that I would be the keeper of those memories, and would remember her for the friend that she used to be. Wished her well, hope that she would heal, and be grateful for her life. It was my way of saying goodbye, and that I would always miss her and our friendship. It was also a way that I could begin to move on.
Thank you SO MUCH for sharing that, Julie! Traumatic Brain Injuries are another way a friend can be “taken” from us. I guess we usually think of a fight or a falling out breaking up a friendship, but a TBI can certainly do the same. Good for you for realizing that you had done all you can and for having the courage to let her go. What an inspirational story and such a great example of Self-Care!